So it is pretty late on Saturday night. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life and where it is going.
In Septmeber I had surgery because I was having a lot of pain. My doctor decided that he was going to do a laporoscopy when he wen to perform the surgery he found that my Uterus and tubes were completely covered in scar tissue. The Doctor thinks that he has removed all of it but he's were not sure so on Monday I go for another procedure that will take x-rays of dye going through my tubes to see if the blockage is cleared.
At this point in my life I had always thought that I would some day have children of my own. I have 2 step children that for the most part are wonderful but they both have a mother and I am only the step mother. I will never have the same bond with them that they have with their mother. I see the way they look at their mothers and the love that they have for them and it is not the same type of love that they have for me. I want to feel that bond and make that connection with my own child.
I am going to be 30 soon I have as career, a husband, a home, and a dog. I dont want to sound like I am being ungrateful but I want a child.
I guess I wil have to wait and see what happens.
About Me
- Jessica
- I found my career and love early in life so now I am trying to enjoy life and have a family.
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Awww Jessica, I'm so sorry for your pain. It does't mean you are ungrateful to want to have your 'own' child. I really love how you described mothering your stepchildrer w/o sounding detached from them; "....they have a mother aad I am only the step mohter. I will never have the same bond w/them theat they have with their (bio) mother." This is a great description of what many stepmoms should state it as, but they don't word it as delicate as you have; I love how you worded this; it isn't mean or insensitive towards your stepkids, but it's very sweet and understood in a gentle manner.
ReplyDeleteMy husband's best buddy and wife found they were not able to conceive either and after almost 3 years of trying by themselves and later going through fertility injections (which cost them a lot of their savings)it just wasn't working. They (just this last December) flew to Africa and finally adopted and got 'their' baby that God has blessed them with. Now, Nikki, (the mom) feels she has a chance to have that bond, as his birth mother abadonded him at infancy. Nikki is happier than imaginable today, she's not the step mom, but legally his mom. He's too cute too. Is that a possibility for you and your husbad to adopt or is it to expensive for ya'll at this time? It's so unfortunate isn't it? That so many teens or other women have unplanned pregnancies who don't want or aren't ready for a baby, yet the one's who are, can't conceive? It's an ironic world we live in. I 'feel' your heavy sorrow come crying out through your post. I'm so sorry. I'm going to add you to my prayer box of my site. If for some reason you want me to remove it than let me know and I will. Just say the word.
Well, it's good to finally read another post from your heart....I check here often but today I was so excited that you had decided to share again....it's been awhile. Sweetie, I will be praying for a miracle for you or a change of heart so that your pain about this will be softened but that your hearts desire will somehow be fulfilled. I feel for your suffering heart because believe it or not I do understand where you're coming from, in a different kind of way. (Long Story) Hang in there honey, miracles happen everyday and with new science, medical breakthroughs, etc. you just never know what can happen tomorrow.
Sarah
Jessica, you've been 'HIT'. See my site for details.
ReplyDeleteJessica,
ReplyDeleteI love you!! I just want to tell you that you mean so much to me.. we might have had our silly things that we have assumed one of us is thinking or doing to hurt each other. I'm hear to tell you, I love you like a sister and my heart cries for you about not able to have a child of your own at this moment in life. Jessica, please listen to me, with all my faith in God, I belive he will bless you with a child.( Romans 8:28 says " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and who has been called according to his purpose".) I've been praying for you and Joe, so he may bless you with a child. I know your heart hurts and longs to be that parent, but just wait a little bit longer. God knows when it is the right time to place a child in your life. Jessica, when the doctor lays that baby on your belly or that person pass your child to you, you will be a wounderful mom. You are great with my children and your step children. Jessica, they may not be your own, but you were in trust by the love of Joe to be their step mom and you do a great job of loving them and being their for them. Just don't give up, The medical technology is unbeliveable in todays world. It will happen, just have faith, but that last part of the bible verse and who has been called according to his purpose. Jess, is God calling you. Give your life over to him and ask him into your heart and he will always be their for you. I love you Jessica. It is 12:48am and I need to go to bed two hours ago, but I was reading my blogs and came to yours. I'am so glad I did. Please keep your chin up, everything happens for a reason, so My prayer for you is when it Gods will( meaning time) it will happen. Jessica, you are one of my best friends. If you need a shoulder to lean on, call me I'm only across the snow street.
I love you my friend and sister!!!
Goodnite
Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you you can name your post. Just in the title box you can give it a name. or not. It just comes up on veryones page untitled. It is fun to name your topic. Just a idea...